Promises
by WhiteFoxLia
Summary: She can't help it. Every time she says one more it always seems to not be true. She losing her family, she has no job, and her girlfriend is losing interest. Can our dear Bella turn her life around? Very angsty. Romance. Hurt and comfort. R&R!
1. 1: A lousy drunk

**Promises**

 **Summary: She can't help it. Every time she says one more it always seems to not be true. She losing her family, she has no job, and her girlfriend is losing interest. Can our dear Bella turn her life around? Very angsty. R &R!**

 **Chapter 1: A lousy drunk**

 **o0o**

Bella made a distinct promise to herself. A very difficult but needed promise. Just to have one more. One more couldn't hurt her any more, one more couldn't ruin her relationship any more than it is, and one more couldn't possibly make her feel any guiltier. But like always, it was many hours into the night and she was on her eight glass. Her words were slurring and as she was lent over the bar trying to order another for her friend she barely got out her sentence.

"M-My dear. Another for my gal over here, a shot will-will do." She rambled with a hiccup, her shoulders hunched as she tries to steady herself, her forehead sticky with sweat and her clean pressed shirt damp with the stench of alcohol and cigarettes. Something she has been accustomed to for quite a few years. Her feet are propped up on a bar under her stool, her boots a little sticky. The carpet in this place is barely kept clean. With the likes of the city tending to spend all night here, doing god knows what under the dim lights. She taps her foot as she waits and her friends slither into the seat beside her, not nearly as drunk as Bella, and slings an arm over the inebriated woman's shoulder.

"Do you need me to call someone, love?" She asks sincerely. Having only met the drunken stranger an hour ago, and the amount she has consumed since then has caused her to worry about the brunette. Surely she has someone who could pick her up.

"N-No!" Bella shakes her head vigorously, her brunette hair slightly clinging to her face. "She won-wont forgive me." Her hands brace herself on the bar as she attempts to stand, her knees almost buckling. If it wasn't for the kind girl she would've toppled straight to the floor. "I need to go." She murmurs suddenly. Bella shrugs her off and throws some cash on the bar, mumbling a goodbye to the quirky bartender who tells her to get home safe.

As Bella hurries out the door the stranger shares a look with the bartender.

"Who is she? Is she alright?" Brushing a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear as she stands too.

"Her names Bella." She says it like it brings a bitter taste to her mouth, a slight sneer. "Bella Swan. She comes here a lot. A drunk. Nothing but a lousy drunk." The stranger blushes and looks towards the door, no longer seeing the brunette a worried crease forms on her forehead. Her worry increasing.

"Maybe I should walk her home."

A little way up the road Bella is clinging onto a cold metal rail, emptying the contents of her stomach, tears spilling from her dull doe eyes. She tried her hardest not to cry but an overwhelming urge engulfed and as she threw up all she had drunk and she couldn't hold it back any more. When she had finished she manages to stand up straight and wipe her mouth with the back of her sleeve and brushes her hair back off her sweaty face. Through her hazy gaze, she sees a figure approaching.

"Do you need help?" Bella opens and closes her mouth several times as the figure gets even closer. "Hello? It's me, Jane. From the bar?" Bella looks away, ashamed.

"Go away." She whispers. She starts to walk over but Jane reaches out and grabs her arm.

"Please. At least let me take you home, or call you a cab? Do you live around here?" Jane's eyes are creased, she's very worried. Yes, Bella may be a drunk, but she can't just leave her. For the hour they had talked she had started to take a liking to her. It was just something about how she spoke, it was attractive, even if her words were slurred and she was being silly, that didn't matter. And she couldn't live with it on her conscience if she had the chance to help her and didn't take it.

"A-A few blocks away. "I-I'll be f-fine. Don't worry." Bella manages a weak smile. She doesn't want this girl to see her in such a state. She's managed much worse all by herself.

"Bella." Jane wasn't having any of it and started leading her over to the carpark of the pub and towards a silver Volvo. Her car. "I'm taking you home, please don't walk. Come with me." Bella grumbles a thank you and gets in the passenger side and tells her the address.

It was strange to Bella. No one usually offers to help, she tends to get a lot of dirty looks and sneers instead. The kindness was appreciated. She cradles her aching stomach and rests against the door, barely keeping her eyes awake. The humming sound of the engine is soothing and before she can register what's happening her door is being tapped on. She warily opens them and yawns.

Home? She takes in the houses and a sinking feeling comes to her chest. Yes, she's home.

Bella opens her door and wanders over to the house number thirteen. It has a neatly trimmed garden, a few rose bushes and small fence surrounding the whole thing. It's a modest two-story house. With the usual large windows and an open porch before the front door.

"Well, I'm glad you're home. Maybe I'll see you around?" Bella manages more of a smile this time around and tells her a good night. The car leaves silently and Bella dreads unlocking the door. She knows she's awake and waiting. As always. Her stomachs turning as she approaches the door and puts in her key. She hates this part. A deep breath fills her lungs and she pushes open the door. She greeted with a warm scent of vanilla and a low light coming from the living room. She takes off her shoes, hand braced on the wall and kicks them towards the stand and throws her keys in the bowl by the door. Her keys are there.

She sighs and brushes her hair back, a nervous habit and approaches the living room. The warm light is their lamp, she sees her and doesn't dare breathe or move. She's sitting there ever so quietly, snuggled up in a cosy beige blanket, reading a book under the light. A half-drunken cup of tea on the coffee table and their turntable playing a classical tune quietly in the background. She's beautiful, her perfect figure is always something Bella has been envious, her height not so much. She barely reaches Bella's shoulder, and Bella loves the height on her partner. It's the perfect height for cuddling and surprise forehead kisses, not that they do that any more.

She finally puts her book down after a few moments of tense silence. She pulls the blanket off and neatly folds it, then goes over towards the bookcase and turns off the vinyl. Her back is now to Bella and she can see her shoulders visibly slump.

"I can't keep doing this Isabella." Ouch. That name stung. It's always been Bella or Bells. Never Isabella. That's the name her mother calls her, the name she gets when someones trying to push her buttons. And never Isabella from Alice's mouth. It hits her chest like a bullet and she visibly flinches.

"I-I'm s-"

"Don't." She's cut off by her sharp voice piercing the air. It's silent immediately and when she finally gathers the courage to turn around her eyes are on the brink of watering, fists clenched by her sides. Not in the way where she wants to hit something, it's more she needs the distraction or she'll burst into tears; because seeing Bella likes this breaks her heart. Bella isn't the happy girl she used to be and that's damaging her in more ways than she ever thought it could. "That's not what I need. I need you to cut it out. To stop this. It's not who you are. You're not /this/ person." She brushes past her to go upstairs, barely looking at her. "I don't want you in my bed tonight."

"But Alice."

"No. This is not easy for me and you know it. Get yourself cleaned up." She starts her way towards the stairs. "I'll see you in the morning." With that final word she goes upstairs, her feet pressing on the soft carpet that they chose out together. Everything in the house was theirs, it was their house. They chose it together. The wallpaper, the furnishing, the flooring, carpets, paintings. Everything was a bitter reminder of who they were, and now. Well, now it's all like a slap in the face. All of the happy memories of them decorating, spraying each other with paint and laughing, of being out and choosing everything they wanted, stuff that was just theirs, it hurt to think about.

Alice goes towards their once shared room and cradles herself, she can hear Bella downstairs rummaging through the cupboards for a spare duvet set. She starts to cry. That's _her_ Bella. She loves her. She loves her so much but there's nothing she can do to help. She understands that since Charlie passed it was difficult, but it's been years, she thinks some of the pain would be shielded by now. She thinks with her being by Bella's side she should have helped, and it's so hard to watch. She's destroying herself. Every day is a new promise she can't keep, or an appointment she can't make, or a date she's forgotten.

Alice sighs and closes her eyes. It's a problem for another day, she grabs Bella's old pillow and pulls it to her chest, holding it impossibly close.

Downstairs Bella is having a hard time not throwing up, she's found the cover shell need and a pillow but shes hugging her stomach like there's no tomorrow and barely makes it to the downstairs bathroom before she's throwing up again. Her heads dizzy and she needs a glass of water, but being hunched over a toilet isn't making the possible. She sobs and wipes her mouth with some tissue.

"I'm pathetic." She gets to her feet and flushes the toilet, making it her mission to get water, tablets and a mint before going to the sofa to sleep. She would sleep in the spare room but she feels unworthy. That's for family members and guests, not a drunken idiot who can barely walk.

It's a job just to get to the kitchen, with her head pounding louder she grabs a glass and fumbles through the draws for a packet of mints and aspirin, she chugs two and goes back to the sofa, taking a seat and burying her head in her hands.

What a night.

Her girlfriend probably doesn't even love her any more and she's resorted to talking to strange women in bars just to feel something. She truly is pathetic and thinking that she wipes her tears and lays down, switching on the tv for some noise and closes her eyes.

Maybe when she wakes up it'll all have been a dream.


	2. 2: It's just a pattern

**Chapter 2: It's just a pattern**

 **o0o**

Ow.

Fucking ow.

Bella rolls over, her head hurting and stomach feeling violent. She's curled up on the sofa in the fetal position underneath her blanket and doesn't dare move. The throbbing in her head nowhere near subsiding, she had hoped the aspirin would've helped for this morning onslaught. She clenches her teeth in aid of not throwing up. And throwing up is something she detests more than anything. After yesterday she doesn't even think she has anything left in her stomach to bring up. She's unsure if that's a blessing or a curse, well, either way, she wants the feeling to dissipate.

Ew. She shakes her head and winces from the pain. She'd rather not think about that.

The rumble of the coffee maker jogs her memory of a scene last night.

A very vivid memory of a sad and hurt looking Alice. Bella closes her eyes, trying to push that image from her head. She hates making Alice sad. She shoves the blanket away from her, it was starting to get too hot to bare and she cringes at her smell. Alcohol. Smoke. Sweat. Ugh. She gets up and passes the kitchen, seeing a very tired but smart looking Alice. She has her bob length hair pulled up in a delicate but messy looking bun, a button up white blouse and a grey blazer matching her suit pants. Bella opens her mouth but gets the Alice isn't in the mood to talk and shuts it immediately. She instead goes upstairs to the shower and rinses herself of everything from last night.

When she emerges back downstairs in fresh clothes with dry hair Alice is nowhere to be seen.

The sight isn't unfamiliar. She's often left alone during the day. With Alice working, she does miss her, but she has an odd gut feeling telling her Alice doesn't feel the same way. She used to have a job, working at a publishing agency for children's books. She loved it, once being an aspiring writer herself it was a dream job to make other peoples dreams come true. She was happy to get up to work, to even do overtime on nearly all of her shifts. It's a strange feeling to her now. She barely has the energy to get up in the mornings, let alone doing a full day at a job she wouldn't enjoy.

Her stomach rumbles interrupting her musings and she decides to eat. Something quick and easy, a toastie. It settles her stomach soon enough but she has the bitter taste on her tongue of gin. She bites her lip and clenches her hand around the mug.

No.

No more.

Nothing.

She promises.

Nothing else to upset Alice. Nothing to cause that look of hurt on her face. Never again.

Its hard to unclench her hands, but the ringing of her phone forces it.

Now, where did she leave it, upstairs?

Bella rubs her temples. She has no energy for this today. She's got to go out and make an effort, she needs to find a job. Something minimal, easy, something she could cope with. Which won't be easy.

She waits and waits and is grateful when her phone finally shuts up. The noise was irritating her headache.

Since losing Charlie life has been a constant path downhill. They were like best friends, he's the person she'd go to for advice, she'd go to him about talking to girls, about first date jitters, about interviews, jobs, getting through school and dealing with bullies, and everything after education. He'd talk to her about Alice. Every single thing she loved about her, Charlie would be aware of, they really were like best friends. They'd go on hunting trips, they'd go camping, fishing. Now, none of that was possible. She feels like she lost the most important person in her life and that feeling never left.

People usually go through stages when grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It took her a long time for her to come to terms with him being gone, and she still hasn't fully accepted it. She feels like he should be there with her and no one seems to understand how much she misses him. She drinks to fill a void. A void that is always empty. Because missing someone can destroy you from the inside, and alcohol numbs that pain for a while. It helps to keep that monster at bay.

Her phone starts ringing again, and with tears in her eyes she gets up to finally answer it. Not seeing the name on the screen she presses it to her ear.

"Hello."

"Isabella dear, how are you?" She pinches the bridge of her nose, that irritating voice swells in her head.

"Fine mother, yourself?"

"Just swell, Phil and I wanted to come and see how you and Alice were doing. It has been a while, do you have any time this weekend? We could go out for a lovely dinner. Some place nice."

The thought of a dinner with her mother makes her skin crawl but she sighs. Alice would tell her off if she weren't to agree with her mother's request. Bella can't really be dealing with that right now. She can't deal with anything right now.

"Sounds lovely. I'll see you then."

The line goes dead and Bella is thankful for the silence.

She's never liked her mother. She always brings a sense of dread and non-stop blabbers about Phil, her new soon to be husband. She has nothing personally against Phil, he seems like a nice guy and how her mother landed him she'll never know. He plays baseball and loves to travel, he's constantly in shorts and some sort of short time. In every picture Bella has seen it's all he seems to wear. He seems to treat her well but god knows that she doesn't deserve it.

Bella resolves to go out. Staying at home only makes the urges worse, and maybe the fresh air will do her some good. She sneaks into her and Alices room and sprays some perfume on her neck and wrists. Maybe a better smell will help also, the shower didn't do much.

She finishes up upstairs and grabs a coat and some new shoes to put on, hopefully matching her outfit. She doesn't really care, but she knows if she's out looking for a job, other people will. She clenches her hands as she stares at herself in the mirror. She barely recognises herself. The dull eyes and lifeless hair, the thin frame, she can see the bones in her chest slightly and her collarbones, the clothes she picked are normally loose but they hang off her skin like never before. She grabs a cap near the bottom of the stairs on a hook and pulls her hair back to hide it. Her fingers twitch as she has a familiar taste enters her mouth. Something so tempting. Biting her lip again she grabs her keys and leaves, her step swaying lightly.

There are a few places in the city she's considering applying. A few stores, bookshops, there's a library, a garage or two. Hopefully, she'll have some luck. But considering her state, even as she's walking to the car she's finding herself getting another headache and starting to sweat, she doubts she'll have any luck.

With her hands braced on the steering wheel, she goes into the city. Bella doesn't think it's safe for her to drive but she doubt her legs will handle all the walking after last night. She still can't entirely recall what happened. She remembers a walk along the pier, a few drinks, then there was The Lodge, the bar she frequents, and being in a blonde woman's car? She shakes her head and focuses on driving.

She's always loved to drive, the feeling of the wind in her hair, the roar of the engine, and she must admit that she has a pretty nice car and often gets stared at because of it. The city offers great views, it's not far from the beach, and if she's lucky she can take a drive straight down it and to the heart of the town, she needs to go there anyway. With a quick turn of the car off into a more secluded road. She soon smells the ocean and hears the people.

It takes her another fifteen minutes before she's pulling into a parking space and climbing out. It's hot, she regrets wearing her had but it's very much needed.

Her first stop, the garage, she runs in and talks to the store clerk. He's a middle-aged man, quite built with a scraggly beard and a rough voice to match. He smiles kindly at her as she approaches.

"Good morning Isa, how can I help you?" Bella's stomach turns at the name but tries to smile back.

"Well I've got my cv here, I was wondering if you had any jobs going? Weekend, part-time, anything Sal. I could really use it." He forehead creases and he gives her a certain look, something she can't figure out. He takes off his gloves and leaves them on a bench, asking her to come tag along. They head out back into an office and he starts searching for something, rumbling through draws and cabinets. Bella stands awkwardly in the door, awaiting some kind of response but in the end, he sits on the desk and sighs.

"I'd love to help Bells, you know that. But I don't think I have anything available." She folds her arms and leans on the wooden frame, looking a little downtrodden. "Noo don't be like that."

"I probably shouldn't have asked, maybe just keep my cv, yeah?"

"Sure thing Bells, I'll see you around, give Alice a hug from me." He pats her on the back and walks her out, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze as she walks off.

If anything Bella thought he was going to be her saving grace.

With significantly less enthusiasm than before she goes towards the library. She has a cv in her shaking hand and pushes forward the hug and heavy doors at the top of the stone stairs. It smells like books the second you walk in, and with an overwhelming sense of air freshener. Her nose wrinkles and she approaches the desk, the woman there is young looks about twenty at most and glances at Bella as she comes near the desk.

The conversation goes pretty much the same as with Sal. She gets turned down but the keep the paper. It probably got thrown in the bin the second she left the building.

It's hot outside and she takes a minute for herself and perches on the stone wall, tapping her feet on the concrete and looking over the road towards the ridiculously tall buildings. Mostly offices. She could never work in an office, far too stuffy and having to do your make up and look nice every day even sounds exhausting.

Bella grumbles and heads out to continue what he set up to do, and by the time the suns starting to set her legs are aching and she's sitting on the beach watching the sky turn dark. Alice is surely home by now, but she doesn't want to go back. She can't bring herself. The soft sand beneath her hands is far more comforting than the icy chill in Alice's voice.

God.

She scratches down her face.

Thinking about it makes her stomach churn and her mouth burn. Her lips are going dry and she can hear the music from the pub that's not far away.

She peers to the side, and can vaguely make out the shape of the building between the hair that's spilling out from under her hat. Her fingers thrum against her aching legs, she could really push and do it if she wanted. She could. She should... She might.

And oh god does she want it. More than anything.

But Alice.

Her dear Alice. Her love. Her world.

Before she even realises it she's heading towards the bar.


End file.
